Dating selfish women
“She is using you to escape her pain, rather than choosing you out of desire.” Getting a little history on her most recent relationship, to gauge if enough time has passed since her ex, is acceptable, as it’s important to ensure she’s had space to be alone.
“When there is always some other person, some event, some commitment that is taking up more of her time, that is a clear indication that you are not as high on her priority list.” It’s bad enough to hear about one ex-file, but an entire encyclopedia worth of info? “This means that she has not grieved him, and you are in danger of being the rebound boyfriend,” says Todd Creager, a licensed marriage and family therapist.Their feelings of inadequacy run so deep that they end up feeing very ashamed.To cover up this shame, they are internally “still” and this “stillness” drives the giver in the relationship to want to keep on giving as a form of resuscitation since the taker often feels dead.When the taker then gives up just a little, this feels so relieving to the giver – it is like a glimpse of a sign of life.But unfortunately for the giver, this does not last too long.When it came to dating in New York as a 30-something executive in private equity, Dan Rochkind had no problem snagging the city’s most beautiful women.
“I could have [anyone] I wanted,” says Rochkind, now 40 and an Upper East Sider with a muscular build and a full head of hair.
The dynamic of one partner always giving and the other always taking is common.
When requests are made for the takers to give up some part of themselves, they usually decline or flee, at once feeling alarmed and afraid.
What is the psychology that underlines this fear and what can you do about this?
Selfish lovers often suffer from feeling inadequate.
Have you ever been out on a date and your date was rude to a service person and even though you were first so strongly attracted to him/her, the attraction suddenly went down a few notches?