Dating and nice guys
This aloofness isn’t something I work toward—in fact, I actively try not to have a cold exterior, but it’s a part of who I am. I can be a hard-ass, and I can be snappish and reactive and I take zero shit from anybody.Part of being with a nice guy is learning to soften for him, particularly when he needs you to be present for him. When I was with guys who weren’t all that nice, this wasn’t a problem. A less-balanced guy might try to charm me into being sweeter, or might take advantage of the situation to create a fight and cause drama.
But why, then, when a man simply says I like you, does his girl become less attracted to him?I was sure the map was accurate, but no matter how hard I tried, it never got me to my desired destination. The guys who either couldn’t get a date or who were deeply entrenched in the friend zone with the women they desired. I want to thank you in advance for the changes that are coming.These guys helped out and listened to women talk about their problems. I think it's going to be a lot of work but worth it.”“I was a web developer for 10 years and now I’m a manager for other web developers.–Real-life nice guys are the men you meet who aren’t looking for accolades for doing what’s right.They’ll slow down for a turtle crossing the road, even if nobody’s watching.Back when I was first looking for love, I often heard a lot of dating advice that made me feel uncomfortable. We recommend this free personality test.)It’s not true, is it? As Dale Carnegie writes in How to Win Friends & Influence People, the infamous gangster Al Capone never thought himself guilty, but instead saw himself as someone who helped others. However, someone who is genuinely nice doesn’t need to tell people that.
I always heard that “nice guys finish last,” and that in order to be attractive, you needed to act like a jerk because — supposedly — women secretly love men who mistreat them (even if they tell you otherwise). If someone calls themselves “nice,” you ought to take that with a grain of salt.
I didn’t see the pattern then, but once I met Ivan and chose to prioritize this genuinely sweet, caring person in my life, there were a few things I had to learn:—I’m not a super warm and cuddly person in real life.
In fact, people have said that it can be hard to get to know me.
To them, relationships with women are transactional.
He treats her like a friend by being close to her, being supportive, or doing favors for her.
However, he may not be doing this out of the goodness of his heart or because he genuinely wants to help her out. To him, he thinks that he’s accumulating brownie points by spending time with her, and that someday, he’ll be able to cash them in and win her over. Of course, relationships don’t really work that way.